Part One - I Believe That An Introduction Is In Order...

I'm Bella, 19 years old and neurodivergent, and I have never seen the Godfather...

I can’t quite recall the first time I really felt my love for film. Maybe, it had always been there. Maybe that excitement at the thought of immersing myself in another world, another reality, was instilled in me from the moment I saw my first film at the cinema, The Bee Movie, 2007. Okay, admittedly, it doesn’t stem from that particular example. But, I can guarantee you that it has been mixing and growing, brewing and stewing within me for a while.

I adore analysis. Whether it’s lyrics to a Mitski song or unlatching the psyche of Dorian Gray, I love to ramble about what lurks beneath a simple set of words. So, the more I realised that I too could do this with film, the more I began to search for it. I have begun to live to unpick a character’s life. To witness a director bear their character’s very soul to us, through a particular sound, a particular angle, a particular lighting. There is so much to be understood in films about the very nature of humanity and emotion itself.

And, I grew up in a world where this didn’t come easily to me. I’m autistic - and, although this infuses my world with light and colour, it also leaves me confused and misguided. I don’t understand people as well as I want to. But, film helps me unpick people. Helps me see what makes them tick, what makes them soar, what makes them scream.

There isn’t much representation of autism in the media. Aside from cerebral, socially-inept eccentrics like Sheldon Cooper and Rain Man. But, I first found myself in film through Ash in Fantastic Mr Fox. A swirl of an autumn palette and a whirl of whimsy-filled music swept child-Bella off of her feet and continues to today, for adult-Bella. Ash was ‘different'.’ And so am I. Ash was irritable. And so am I. But, and perhaps most importantly, Ash doesn’t get people at the start of the film. He’s confused, doesn’t fit in and perhaps never will. But his family accept him, love him and help him to understand just how special he is. This isn’t me trying to put him in the box of being 'autistic. This is me explaining that that character represented me in a way I had never found before.

Anyways, as you can probably already tell, I love to ramble. So, to sum it up, I want this space to document my discoveries in film and I’d love to take you along with me for the ride.

Where this journey begins, I currently stand with four favourites but I’m eager to see how these develop and change as my taste expands. My top four, as set out on my Letterboxd account (under the username ‘localwallflower,’ if you want to have a gander at my very silly reviews) are currently: Fantastic Mr Fox, La La Land, The Darjeeling Limited and Baby Driver. Yes, you can probably tell that my taste is presently very minimal. But you have to admit, those are four cracking films.

I have been told that they are all ‘good’ but not ‘top four worthy.’ But again, sometimes your favourite films don’t have to be ‘The Godfather’ or ‘Citizen Kane.’ They are your favourite films because, at that specific place and moment in time, they spoke to something in that version of yourself. They changed you, in some minute way, and now, that phrase of personality is always with you. So, I hope I don’t stray too far away from that idea when my favourites (hopefully) change and grow. I look forward to finding the next film that sweeps me away, and leaves a mark on me that I will look back on and be grateful for.

Anyways, to once again circle back, welcome. I cannot wait to see where this takes me, takes you. There is so much film in store for me to view. So, sit back, relax and let’s start this journey together. After all, part one has only just begun :)

BellaWatchesFilms